Clarity in the Fog

Brett, Caden, and I just returned from sharing with a baby class about our 5 months of experience. We  previously had been a part of this class last Spring before Caden's arrival and were glad to share  our "wisdom and experience" to the excited couples anxiously awaiting the arrival of their precious little ones. 

 It is official. I have embarked in the season of life of which babies are all around me. It crept up on me.  My friends are having babies, my friends' friends are having babies. I have a baby?!?You cannot get on Facebook without seeing the latest development in any sweet little baby's and proud parent's life. Brett and I are THOSE parents-especially me. We broadcasted him to the world to get the votes for Gerber baby even. (Yep-college scholarship here we come?!?!) We love him so much and are so thankful for the little family God has given us and are CRAZY about this sweet baby boy beyond what we could have imagined. We are happy and joyous, 24/7-so it may seem.  

Behind all the pictures, there is much inexplainable joy yes, it is not a concocted or fake happiness airbrushed onto the pictures...but I can honestly say that I have experienced so many emotions that I had not previously dealt with on this level nor this consistency.  This topic of postpartum blues or emotions or whatever you want to call it IS talked about, but maybe more of a hush-hush issue when prepping for the little ones. In our experience, 9 months of carrying a baby-we learned the importance of preparing in countless ways. You educate yourself on the best products. You choose and "practice" for your ideal method of labor and delivery. (INHALEEEE...1....2.....3....EXHALLLEEEE...1...2...3)You create a baby registry. You pack your hospital bags and maybe even check it twice. You learn about which prenatals to take and the best and worst foods to eat.  You perfect the room and organize it all to the very last finishing touches. (Or in my case, not so organized room!) You get the point. Hardly do people really discuss what to expect postpartum emotionally. (Maybe they do, but was too excited to listen in or prideful to think I would experience it personally?!)  I do not write any of the following to become a "debbie downer" or complain or anything of the sort. I really am striving to believe God has exactly me where He has me and this is His best. I confess I don't wake up everyday believing that. I've got the blues....(Bust out in song here.) They are subsiding I think and I certainly wouldn't trade this time for anything. I just want to acknowledge it-my fear for so many of my friends or family or maybe just the occasional blog follower is that when they are in this wonderful/confusing/wonderful/emotional/wonderful/Ifeellikeacrazyperson/wonderful season is they will feel alone and will be so receptive to believing so many lies about themselves and their present circumstances, like something is wrong with them and then go down the slippery slope of guilt for feeling this way when they have a bundle of joy in their arms. (Run on sentence!)  I have a reputation for being the obnoxiously optimistic personality and I think that is my tendency for sure. However, this past 5 months has been some of the best of times but some of the worst of times in some ways. I am not alone in experiencing these hormonal changes and emotions.  Please don't misinterpret me as excusing somewhat irrational moments and shifting all the blame to emotions, but please hear me say I think it is invaluable to be gracious with yourself during this season if you encounter this struggle. It is very real, and it is okay-so I am learning. I really am thankful for this season-really-I definitely have had moments (and will yet to come) where I have found myself purely in survival mode and desire to have someone rescue me from that difficult moment emotionally...but now that so many friends are having babies and I understand the fullness of what they are experiencing I am beyond grateful that I can speak encouragement into their lives (hopefully) and promise them the Lord is going to carry them through it, and He gives us exactly what we need.  It is okay not to have it together, the truth is you and I never did. The fog just has made me see things a little more clearly.